How to procrastiwork right now

Because we have to put this anxious energy somewhere.

You can stress-eat a bag of Doritos. Or you can stress-eat a bag of Doritos while you find ways to procrastinate productively right now. Here are some ideas:

Check the status of your ballot

If you’re not sure which state website to check, start with Can I Vote?. They’ll direct you to your state website where you can check your voter registration and ballot status. About one-third of you dear readers are based in California (like me), so you can go to BallotTrax.

And if you didn’t vote yet, it’s not too late! Go to your nearest polling place and vote. If you’re not registered, there’s a good chance you can register AND vote today.

Generate your Pixar biopic with ChatGPT

This was my friend Cyrus Shepard’s idea: Ask ChatGPT to create a Pixar movie synopsis and poster based on what it knows about you.

I asked ChatGPT what it knew about me. I was stoked about the last line:

And then I asked it to generate a Pixar movie synopsis and poster and voila: Chef of Connections:

I am screaming because I think it’s perfect. That fake Pixar character also looks close enough like me. And weirdly enough, that MacBook Pro looks very similar in scale to my actual hand. (Yes, I have big hands.)

Anyway, after you’ve fantasized about your Ratatouille-esque biopic, you’ll probably get restless. So go ahead and crunch on another Cool Ranch Dorito and…

Peep on your friends and family to see if they voted

Yeah, I’m nosy. But you are too. I’m just upfront about it. Head over to DidMyFriendsVote.org. If you know the names that your friends and family used to register (you’d be surprised by how often someone’s middle name is actually their first name, and what their ballot looks like! I’m looking at you, Christinamarie) you can see if they voted in this election and past elections. Of course, you cannot see who they voted for.

And then… do nothing with this information. Voter intimidation is illegal. I pinged my bestie a reminder to drop off her ballot but that’s because we have been friends for 22 years and we know all of each other’s secrets and silly little quirks. (Like the time I got my hair washed and blown out for our 10-year high school reunion, and I told her not to tell anyone because I was low-key embarrassed, and she proceeded to tell everyone who happened to compliment my hair. Unnecessary but admittedly deeply hilarious.)

Create a SparkToro account to (lazily) research your audience

At this point, you’re probably feeling guilty you haven’t done any work yet. It’s 11:05am and babe, you’ve already looked up whether 42 of your friends and family have voted, and you’re not helping anyone, least of all yourself.

So let’s do some easy, low-hanging-fruit work. Learn a little bit about your audience. (You are a marketer or founder, right? Surely this applies to you.) Create a SparkToro account — it’s free, don’t worry! — and search for a keyword your audience is likely to search for.

Since I was just rambling about my big hands, I got to thinking about small hands. (Because you know who has small hands.) That audience that frequently searches the keyword “small hands”…

…is mostly men.

And they’re a lot likelier to use Reddit, Instagram, and Twitter/X compared to the average web user.

So I suppose if I were selling a product for men with tiny hands, I’d probably be hanging out a lot on these social networks to see what else they’re talking about and to see how I can talk about my product in a way that isn’t too salesy.

Try this for your audience! Is there a competitor or another brand with a similar audience you can search for? Learn about the audience that visits their website. If I’m a bag or accessories brand for women, maybe I want to do some co-marketing with a custom jewelry brand. The audience that frequently visits the website MintandLily.com:

• Are searching for how to personalize necklaces and bracelets

• Have recently(ish) also searched for "women’s petite capri pants" and "gold chain with cross women's"

• Also visit NordstromRack.com, DSW.com, and TheHalara.com

• Are really likely to be on Instagram

• Probably listen to the Jewelry Journey Podcast and Iconic Hour

There’s a lot you could do with those insights. Maybe write a blog post on recent fashion trends. Create a series of Instagram Reels on the different jewelry brands that offer personalizations. Or see if you can run a sponsorship on those niche podcasts.

Run your own SparkToro searches! You get 5 free searches per month. But honestly, if you YOLO them too fast and you want more, write to us at support AT sparktoro dot com, and let us know that Amanda said you could get more searches. Seriously. We usually reply within 24 hours or so.

Alright, now that you’ve done some solid audience research work, you can treat yourself…

And plan your meals and/or drinks for the rest of the day

So I learned of a pop-up burrito place near me and I’m planning to grab that for dinner later. They have a carne asada, french fry and Flamin’ Hot Cheeto burrito that I am very much looking forward to.

I might also open a bottle of wine. Or maybe I’ll make dirty martinis. Or I’ll go ahead and make sage brown derbies, which is my favorite fall cocktail. I got the recipe from Bon Appetit but I use less agave and more bitters:

• 2 oz rye whiskey

• 1 oz fresh grapefruit juice (probably from 1/4 grapefruit)

• 1/2 oz fresh lime juice

• 1 small squeeze of agave nectar

• 2 dashes bitters

• 1 fresh sage leaf

Pour all the wet ingredients into a shaker with lots of ice. (Don’t let that ice float!) Shake ‘em up until cold. Pour into a pretty coupe glass and top with a fresh sage leaf you slapped around a little (to release its aroma).

Honestly, if you don’t have sage, that’s fine too. We’re all just doing our best.

Oh by the way, if you want a lazier cocktail, you could make a sort of lemon drop:

• 2 oz vodka

• 2 oz orange or whatever citrus juice

• Juice of 1/2 lemon

• 1 small squeeze of agave nectar

Stir it all in a glass with lots of ice.

Oh lastly, I’d be remiss in not mentioning…

SparkToro Office Hours is this Thursday and we’re going to talk about the state of content marketing. Please come. You’ll learn a lot about marketers like you and you’ll learn some content secrets from me.

I’m leading two masterclasses at Digital Summit LA next week and you should definitely come. I’ll have new material. It’s a great opportunity to meet me IRL!

I feel like I should have a third thing here. Hmm… Oh! I don’t like Batman (come on, dude has all the money in the world and chooses to not spend any of it on the therapy he clearly needs) but I do like The Penguin on Max. Colin Farrell and Christin Miloti are incredible. Plus, it’s a limited series that ends next Sunday. I love a finite show.

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🫡 God bless America.